The Relationship Tango
I gave my heart where my mind knew better. It was a mistake, and not my first time making it either. I had become a victim of a need to feel something, to fill something, and I led myself into this cycle that just kept leaving me empty. It started quickly, ended quicker, and I found myself left to pick up pieces of a puzzle that I created. My own stubborn will mixed with my foolish desire to follow my heart led me right into a big huge mess!
I call it the relationship tango, the holy grail of womanhood, choices, victories, but mostly mistakes that we all make when it comes to relationships. Whether romantic or completely platonic most of us are guilty of choosing some toxic relationships and then wondering how in the world we ever got poisoned. We fall fast, heart first, with minds following, and left wondering how we found ourselves in this situation. We knew better, we know better, and somewhere in the crazy mix of emotions it takes honesty to realize that in the depths of our hearts there is truth.
It’s like being in the middle of a dark tunnel, hearing two voices, one is misery and the other is uncertainty. We will stand in that tunnel actually weighing which one is better, and we are only even considering misery because we are just afraid of uncertainty. Chaos becomes our comfort and we convince ourselves that the effort of moving towards uncertainty is futile because it looks like misery in disguise. So we choose misery, and we end up continually paying for an investment that’s in the negative rather than reinvesting in something with potential for growth. It’s an illusion perpetuated by our fear to be brave enough to say no to the things that we know are beneath us!
A lie can only be fought with the truth, and not knowing the truth perpetuates our belief in the lie. We all mess up, we all make mistakes, and we have all done things that we aren't proud of. Redemption is found in simply making another decision. It’s never too late to make a different decision. What you do is not who you are, and you don’t deserve anything less then what you were created to have! You were formed, knit together in your mother’s womb, by the very hand and heart of God who loves you more then you will ever love yourself! The insecurities screaming at you that you are not good enough are the same insecurities leading you to choose people and things that are just not good enough. So make a different decision because you will have what you allow, and yes you can teach people how to treat you if first you learn how to treat yourself.
The only thing that heals brokenness is willingness to glue those pieces all back together in grace filled love, piece by piece. What you are searching for will never be found in another person. The key to your void is within you, found in God, and then nurtured by the genuine love of someone in line with God. God desires relationships to be centered in Him, whole, beautiful, purposeful, and powerful. Love is strong, healing, and forgiving. Love sees you, even your faults, as opportunities for growth rather than room for criticism.
Freedom is freeing. I'm thankful that I took the leap, felt like I was plummeting to my death, but found the cushion of grace waiting at the bottom. There is a collision of grace and love where your mess will become a message. There is freedom, hope, and healing! I wouldn’t trade that fear for misery ever again because I have found a love that I didn't even know existed. A love that is slowly helping my ugly scars to fade away, and I found the secret to that type of grace is just the faith to go and get it! You can do this, even when you feel like you can’t, because God is with you. God is for you! You are far more precious than rubies, way more valuable then gold, and when you see yourself shine you will realize how much power you have to light up this world! Love God, love yourself, and let someone else show you what love really looks like. The journey of a thousand miles begins with just one step.